The worst pictures

Iraq

early february: 49 hips, 38 waist, 29 thigh
april 25: 45 hips, 34 waist, 28 thigh
may 16: 43 hips, 32 waist, 26 thigh
june 7: 40 hips, 31 waist, 25 thigh
july 24: 37 hips, 30 waist, 25 thigh


these are my measurements from when Babu was in Iraq.


and i just found Mary's babybook.  i was 140 when i got pregnant, 172 when she was born.  i started this pregnancy at 176, and i'm still 197 at 2 months PP.


i need to lose between 50-60 pounds, about 10 inches off my hips, 8 inches off my waist.  i am on the edge of truly obese.  i am about to not fit into regular sizes.  i need a sense of urgency.


i need to focus on what i am choosing, not on what i am denying.

One step forward, two steps way way back

Before we left for NY, I started using MyFitnessPal and exercising, and when we were there, I was good at first, but then fell back into bad patterns, and I haven't yet gotten back into the saddle.  I am so disappointed in myself, there are no words.  I am going to look so awful in our family pictures at the beach.

I am too depressed to get on the scale, but I took a couple of measurements this morning, and I am still the same huge creature I have been since Anna was born, which is not surprising, since I have not been eating properly or exercising:

45 hips
34 waist
27 thigh

Here we go again

There is much to say in this first post.

Rereading my posts from Joseph was frightening.  I can't believe I am in the exact same situation again, almost down to the pound.  I just hope I can avoid the same trajectory as before, because if I do not lose weight this time, I will really be in despair.

Shortly after Anna was born, I was 193, after getting up to about 201 at the end of the pregnancy.  The engorgement added a lot of water weight:

5/12/12
197.8
37 chest
46 hips
35 waist
27 thigh
13 arm

When she was two weeks old, things looked better:

5/18/12
192.8
36 chest
45 hips
34 waist
27 thigh
12.5 arm

But I got overconfident.  As I always do, I started gaining weight again, even though I was being careful about what I ate:

5/25/12
194
36 chest
45 hips
34 waist
27 thigh
12.5 arm

I hovered right around that weight for a bit:

6/1/12
193

But then, at my 6 week postpartum, I was up, bigtime:
198 at Tepeyac

And a week later, at the endocrinologist, I was up again:
201 at Rogacz

Unbelievable.

A couple days ago, I did not weight myself, but I took my measurements, and they were not pretty:

6/23/12
36 chest
45 hips
34 waist
27 thigh

In other words, they are the same as they have been.

I cannot live like this.  I do not want to look like this.  I cannot even fit into my postpartum wardrobe.  I want to be strong and healthy so I can have more children.  I want to be beautiful for my dear husband, who is in the best shape of his life.  I know what I need to do, and I know how to do it.  I just need to DO IT.

This morning, I did about half and hour on the elliptical, an easy program, and I felt great.  I have eaten healthily all day.  I can only control what I can control.  I will continue to build up my exercise program.  I will continue to eat well.  I will not give up.  Even if this takes forever, even if progress is slow or nonexistent for a time, I will keep going.  I owe it to myself, to any future babies, to my husband.

Next post, I will put down my measurements from when Babu was deployed.  I started off even worse than I am now, and I managed to lose the weight without Metformin.  I know I am older now, but I am also wiser and more mature.  I can do what needs to be done.

An escape?

It's been a week and a half since I last worked out--a week and a half of very bad eating habits. I may or may not get to exercise today, because I need to go to the commissary and do the Thanksgiving shopping first thing this morning, and I was petrified of what the scale might say to punish me. But I think I am OK, as long as I get back on track today:

186.4

41 hips

31 waist

25 thigh

Of course, my nine months pregnant, two inches taller sister weighs 180, so this is nothing to be happy about, but at the same time, at least I am wearing semi-normal-sized clothes. But I need to get back to my normal routine ASAP.

Tiny bit of progress

All this working out has resulted in paltry progress, but I think I've turned a metabolic corner:

186.4

31 waist

41 hips

25 thigh

wearing size 14 jeans

A new low point

I made the terrible mistake of stepping on the scale this morning. Looks like I've gained a pound. After how many weeks of exercising almost every day? Eating properly? So I threw a brat fit and did not go work out. I am so sad right now. There are no words.